In keeping with the Wellbeing Wednesday theme, the Mental Health First Aiders meet on the first Wednesday of the month.
For the December discussion we focused on practical wellbeing boosts we were either doing already, or wanted to make sure we did more of.
As always, the topic sparked a rich debate and gave insight into our different personalities, pressures and coping mechanisms. Some of us use deliberate tactics to maintain positivity, but for others this is something that happens more naturally. Some gentle probing revealed that, as is so often the case, earlier life experiences can have quite a profound influence on us, shaping who we are now. But if we find the time to talk about it, we can all learn from each other, and maybe add some new tools to shift our thinking from more negative patterns.
Here’s a selection of things we discussed. It’s unlikely any of these tips will be new to you, but there’s a difference in knowing something works and actually doing it.
“I recognise a tendency to catastrophise or notice and distort problems. It’s an easy habit to fall into and can make a profound difference to how I feel. To counter this I’ve learned that if I notice 2 or 3 good things every day – even really small things – it can completely change my mood. For example I was loading the tumble drier and out of the blue, I remembered that around 20 years ago I had a very basic drier that I had to load up late at night as we were on an old electricity (Economy 7) tariff. I had to stay up and run down into the cold kitchen after 11.30 to switch it on. I suddenly noticed I don’t have to do that and realised how lucky and grateful I was….
This habit builds on itself. Now I don’t have to tick it off as a thing to remember, I’m doing it naturally. So I suddenly notice something else that is good, and feel much happier.
I’m also a big fan of mindfulness though I fall on and off the wagon with this. At the moment I’m doing it, and it really settles my thoughts. I use the headspace app and I watch The Wake Up every morning and practice a 5 minute meditation. It gives me a much bigger perspective and reminds me of all the myriads of thoughts and emotions that pass through my head, so I don’t need to hold on to the difficult ones – they pass too.
These things are good, but since the weather and clocks have changed I am not exercising at all. I need to get back on this as I can be very sedentary. To be realistic, I need to find an exercise I can do indoors as I am not inspired to go outside nearly as much in the winter. This is going to be my area of focus in the New Year as I know how much more positive I feel when I exercise”.
“I’m a member of a gym near me, and I love it. I virtually live there. It’s like an all-inclusive resort. It has everything – gym, pool, sauna, steam rom. I can go there for lunch, after work, any time really. I could even work there for a change of scene – it’s really nice and quiet.
I have made friends there too, you get to see people and chat from going to the same classes. It’s a great way of socialising.
I joined it when I got bored of running – I do more relaxation exercises, I’m more chilled with this. I don’t go there to lose weight, I just go for overall health and enjoyment – this helps me as I want to go, it’s not a chore.
“I too have fallen off the exercise wagon. My 6-year old shamed me the other day when I was taking her to school (in the car). We passed her friend who was walking to school. She told me I needed to get out running again. I won’t be able to go today. I find I am very busy with activities with my children.
This is actually a big help to me though – we are so busy with taking them to parties, ice-skating, the panto etc. They need to be out mixing with people and I can’t worry about this – after all they’re in busy classrooms with all the same children. They can’t put their lives on hold. This is the way I see things – I am quite matter of fact and logical about the situation. Its risk versus reward – children need to live. We can’t go back to how we were last spring, the situation was exhausting. This keeps me grounded – I want to make sure they live a full life, so their experiences are a good distraction for me”.
“I too am really busy with the children’s activities – Christmas plays, lots of stuff happening – children are not in bubbles and they are doing all the usual activities and clubs. I weigh up likelihood of harm, risk, etc. Lots of people I know have had Covid, and this changes things in my mind – probably a good half the people we mix with have had it already and got through, all our immunity will have been increased.
I like to talk things through – this is how I feel better about things. I do a sanity check with colleagues in the team I talk to regularly (or with my mum). It reassures me.
We decided as a team to go out for our Christmas lunch, but we all checked in with each other first – how did we feel about it? It turned out we all felt the same, and this was really comforting.
I’m deliberately booking stuff in advance for Christmas, and for next year. I like having things to look forward to. I’m also booking stuff just with my husband which is really important so it’s not all about the kids.
My husband surprised me the other day. He has booked a couple’s yoga class for us! He is the last person you would expect to want to do this, but he has had Covid fairly recently and is still suffering with joint pain. He felt the stretching would really help. I’m keen on reinforcing good exercise habits – in January (!)”
“I’m pretty much fine with the whole thing! I’m not doing anything different. I haven’t taken up any new hobbies or stopped doing things. It is what it is, work is alright, going outside is okay.
It’s different to last year. There’s so much I can do. Last year it got quite bad when all you could do as any kind of distraction was go out for a walk. I did it, because there was nothing else to do, but I don’t naturally tend to turn to exercise.
In the overall scheme of things I don’t feel I have had to compromise on anything really important. I’m safe, I’m warm, and I’ve got a roof over my head.
I do listen to the news, but it doesn’t give me a negative outlook.
In a previous job I was in Central America. There is a lot of poverty there, and I always remember picking up a very simple woven item that somebody had made. It really struck me and has stayed with me. This person had a desperately hard life. They had to eke out whatever they could do to live.
Any time I think life is tough on me I remember picking that item up and feeling incredibly conscious how different things are for me. Life is not tough on me compared to that person. I live a hugely privileged lifestyle in a first world country in Western Europe. Any time I start feeling sorry for myself, this gives me perspective.
Things are so much better than they were in 2020. I can see people and have a degree of social life – I can choose how much I interact and go out. Life has more to offer than just a daily walk 4 miles from my house.
Having said that I don’t have a problem talking to people through a screen, I still find it a really effective way to communicate and talk to people. For me, things could be a lot rougher. Maybe I just haven’t got the significance of all of this and I’m just a goldfish!”
“I don’t think you are at all, it’s so interesting you think that’s ‘wrong’. If you think about mindfulness – which I’m a big fan of – it’s all about accepting life as it is so I think your approach is a really good one.
I got into mindfulness from a very young age. I used to be agoraphobic. I make it a deliberate habit to go out every day, so I don’t get like I used to be again. Sometimes even just taking the car out to take my sister to work is really refreshing, but I try to go outside every day – even in the winter – I love the smell of the fresh air.
Last night I was playing basketball with under 18s and one of them snapped their patella. It was late in the evening and the ambulance didn’t turn up for a while. Our match finished, and after us it was the men’s training session. This finished. Meanwhile the injured boy was still there. We called again at 11.45, and we were told it would be at least another 4 hours.
In the end we got a wheelchair from Tesco’s and took him to Eastbourne hospital, where he was transferred to Hastings. I kept thinking about how brave he was. He stood there the whole time. He didn’t have a choice, there was nothing else he could do.
I think we all struggle in our own way. This is life. There is no choice. So I think you’re totally right just to accept things. That’s what mindfulness is. It’s the tool – right there – to get you to that way of thinking, if you’re struggling with acceptance.
I’m learning not to be so doom and gloom, we’re okay. Last year I wouldn’t have been at a basketball match. Things aren’t so terrible.
“I talk to my family in ways I never did before this – we now do a weekly Skype call with my parents and sister – we never did this before… though it’s a mixed blessing!”
“My family are fully vaccinated and I have just had my booster. That and regular testing helps with our wellbeing.
We also have a visit to France planned for the week before Christmas, the prospect of having to cancel another trip was hard but with careful understanding of the processes in place for foreign travel we have decided to go ahead while taking all sensible precautions. Then we will look forward to celebrating Christmas with family this year!”
“Change of scene can be a real boost. Sometimes I go and sit in the local pub to read the paper as a circuit breaker.
“I went away for the weekend – I had forgotten how much of a boost this gives me to have a change of scene – exploring all the sights and sounds of a different town, I came back totally energised”
“If I’m working at home for a while, I like to mix things up and move into different rooms, but if you can’t do that, even just turning your orientation around so your chair faces a different way can give you an unexpected lift”
I love to travel. I like going alone to European cities. I love the different food, culture, exploring. I’m looking forward to booking something so I’m putting money aside for when I can do that. It’s really important to me not to let Covid stop me. It takes guts to keep moving but it feels good. Meanwhile I keep busy looking at Instagram and getting inspired about where I’m going to go next. It’s great for my soul, I come home feeling new again…..I’m thinking Prague next”
Thinking, and talking, about things like this can improve our mental health. Good mental health, just like physical health, needs positive attention to maintain.
Mindfulness is something several of our Mental Health First Aiders really believe in – here’s a link to get you started if you’d like to try it.
Here’s a link to our Wellbeing pages. But remember the Mental Health First Aiders are here for you. There’s such a lot of help out there – knowing where to start can be a block.
So if you want to talk about how to develop better habits for your mental wellbeing, or if you need to talk to somebody, do get in touch. For more details – see here.